


Buzzfeed Unsolved: The Mysterious Mass Murder at the Devil's Nest

by welpthatdidntwork



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, LingFan Week 2018, buzzfeed unsolved au, guess who's back for some late lingfan week content, im sorry in advance, this is a little ooc btw but i figured it fits with the au, this isnt even that shippy but ive been binging buzzfeed unsolved for two weeks and this happened
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2019-06-11 06:29:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15309465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/welpthatdidntwork/pseuds/welpthatdidntwork
Summary: Ling sits up straighter, before launching into his usual opener. “This week on Buzzfeed Unsolved we investigate the murder of six people at the notorious Devil’s Nest in Dublith, Amestris. This case is strange in the sense that it poses one chilling question: do we really know what the government is doing?The camera flips over to Lan Fan, seemingly concentrating on the question. She looks up, looks to Ling, then looks back at the camera. “No.”





	Buzzfeed Unsolved: The Mysterious Mass Murder at the Devil's Nest

**Author's Note:**

> this is my attempt in writing a story in the style of a bfu episode so if you havent seen one this may be a little confusing  
> for reference:  
> italics are voice overs  
> bold left is lan fan  
> bold right is ling
> 
> also slight warning for descriptions of violence. it's nothing you wouldn't hear in bfu or fma and it's not enough to warrant a tag imo but i just wanted to mention just in case

Ling watches the room beyond the camera, seeing the hustle of the crew as they make last minute preparations for the start of filming for the latest episode. Beside him, Lan Fan is absentmindedly fiddling with her mic, a nervous tic she’d developed over the course of the show.

She catches him watching and throws him a small smile. For all her sass and witty comments on camera, she was surprisingly soft spoken and polite when they turned off. A strange comparison at first but now a standard part of their work together. Ling grins back, spinning his chair around to face her.

Lan Fan puts her elbow on the desk and turns to face him fully. “I know I don’t go in depth with the research, but I usually know what the episode’s about. Absolutely no hints about what this week is?”

“Nope. Decided I try to keep one under wraps this season. Just to see what you’d do.”

She scoffs. “I can not believe the audacity-”

“Quiet on set,” calls a voice from behind the cameras. Ling and Lan Fan share one last smile before turning to face the camera together. “Alright, Buzzfeed Unsolved True Crime, episode three in three, two, one…”

Ling sits up straighter, before launching into his usual opener. “This week on Buzzfeed Unsolved we investigate the murder of six people at the notorious Devil’s Nest in Dublith, Amestris. This case is strange in the sense that it poses one chilling question: do we really know what the government is doing?"

The camera flips over to Lan Fan, seemingly concentrating on the question. She looks up, looks to Ling, then looks back at the camera. “No.”

Startled, Ling lets out a bark of laughter, turning to face her. “Wait that’s it? No hesitation or questioning, just straight up ‘the government covered up a murder?”

“Well hang on, I didn’t say that. I was more saying that I believe that the government doesn’t tell us everything not that it intentionally hid six murders.” She shrugs. “But I don’t know maybe they did.”

“Well I’m about to tell you what happened. And by the end of this, I’m pretty sure you’ll agree with me that they did. You ready for this one?”

“Oh I’m absolutely ready.” At this, Ling turns to face the camera as well. “Well then. Let’s get to it.”

* * *

 

_“In the autumn of 1914, the small town of Dublith would face a horror unlike anything they’ve ever seen before. The peaceful tourist town would be shaken to its core by the murders of six well known figures. A crime so brutal that even today, locals refuse to visit the once well frequented bar known as the Devil’s Nest._

_“Located in the ‘seedy side’ of town, the Devil’s Nest was home to underground dealings, the kind and extent of which are still unknown to authorities today.”_

**wait wait wait, we still don’t know what happened there?**

**years later and all we have is ‘hmm shady stuff?’**

**(wheeze) yeah it’s like**

**‘oh yeah these guys were into some illegal shit’**

**‘what was it? well how i am supposed to know that?’**

**‘what is it my job?’**

**hahahaha**

**‘oh shit do i have to investigate?**

**what do i look like an investigator to you?’**

_“It is said that the Devil’s Nest had connections running across the whole of Amestris and could know about any ‘underground dealings within hours of them happening’. The bar was home to at least six different people, although many speculate that more may have moved in and out throughout the bar’s operation._

_"The six known members of the Devil’s Nest were Ulchi, Dolcetto, Roa, Martel, and Bido. The five of them were lead by a man who was only known by the name Greed.”_

**excuse me his name was what**

**hold on hold on youre gonna love this**

_“Some reports also call him ‘Greed the Avaricious’ as a way to make up his lack of a full identity.”_

**(wheeze) greed the avaricious-**

**they couldnt come up with better name**

**than greed the greedy?**

**well i read somewhere that**

**they gave him the name so they could fill out**

**all the name spots on the reports**

**oh my god**

**but could you imagine having that be like your actual name?**

**‘yes hi hello my name is greed t. Avaricious’**

**holy shit**

**‘the t. stands for _the_!’ **

**‘the t stands for-’ (wheeze)**

At this point the camera switches back to the desk, showing Lan Fan with her head in her hands. Ling is staring at her, body shaking with giggles. “Are you okay?”

Lan Fan picks her head up, visibly trying not to laugh as well. “Not at all. Oh my god that’s incredible.”

She turns to face Ling. “They really called him that?”

Ling nods, turning partially back to the camera. “I haven’t found anything with an actual name for this guy.”

“Hmm he was real off-grid kind of guy.”

“I mean, yeah they were criminals.”

“That doesn’t mean anything. How many crimes have you probably confessed to on this show.” At this, she turns to face the camera, pointing directly at it. “And you people have done nothing.”

Ling shakes his head. “I’m disappointed in all of you.”

* * *

 

_“To most during this time, Greed and his gang were untouchable. However, this would change the afternoon of November 2, 1914. On that day, all six members of the Devil’s Nest would be found brutally murdered in different parts of the bar. The injuries would consist of gunshot wounds, stab wounds, and even decapitation.”_

**okay i have a confession to make**

**oh no**

**‘oh no’ what**

**im just assuming this is where you tell me you killed them**

**jesus christ no**

**oh then what?**

**only five members were found dead at the crime scene**

**i mean all six would eventually be killed but only five here**

**only five? what happened to the other guy?**

**bido managed to escape**

**but was found several months later stabbed to death**

**oh shit. man that’s gotta suck.**

**i mean getting stabbed to death probably sucks anyway**

**yeah but like you get so close to thinking you made it and then that**

**wait if this guy died later then why say he died here**

**because at the time, all members were reported dead**

**but evidence shows the reports were changed later on**

**to include bido after he was found dead**

**so most people tend to believe the same people killed him**

**i get it he died later but since it was probably the same people**

**it was easier just to put it in the original report**

**that or easier to cover up that way**

_“That day witnesses would report seeing a large group of people heading towards the bar. However, none of these witnesses would give much more information only stating that the group was wearing a mix of military and civilian clothing. And for reference, Amestris at this time was military government so any mention of the government or police are directly connected to the military._

_“_ _It would take only a few hours for the bodies to be discovered by neighboring shop owners. Once they were found, the bodies were transported to Dublith Central Hospital for autopsies. However, some time during transport, Greed’s body would mysteriously disappear._

_“Dublith police would investigate the murders for only seven days before eventually ruling the case an accident.”_

**holy shit**

**you did say one was decapitated right?**

**yeah and another was cut in half**

**jesus**

**and they still ruled it an accident?**

**i know its pretty ridiculous**

_"To this day, the case has never been reopened, though many doubt the official ruling. "And with that, let’s get into the theories."_

_"The first theory is that this was truly an accident. When they closed the case, police in Dublith would claim that the extensive injuries came from machinery in the bar. Before becoming the Devil’s Nest, it was a meat packing plant and once closed, those machines were left behind. This theory could explain the stab and slash marks found on the bodies. However, it would not explain the decapitation or the gunshot wounds. Furthermore, the bodies were found spread across the compound not next to machinery, making this theory unlikely."_

**next!**

**hahahaha**

_"The second theory is that it was an attack from one or multiple local gangs. With connections across the country, the Devil’s Nest would have had a remarkable amount of power and influence. And to make matters worse, they an attwere fairly young but still growing fast. This not only would have posed a threat to other gangs but would have been a slight against them. A gang would have the manpower necessary to launch an attack on a group in a such big space and would explain the large group spotted earlier. This theory would also be able to explain the injuries on the victims as research shows that gangs in that area used various methods to kill people, including guns and knives."_

**im liking this theory so far**

**seems logical which is unusual for you**

**when it comes to something like this**

**well okay hang on**

Ling points his finger at Lan Fan, leaning on the desk as if being closer to her will help convince her. “Almost all of my theories are logical excluding the joke ones I throw in every once in awhile. Are some more likely than others? Yes. Are they not logical? I wouldn’t say so”

Lan Fan turns to face him as well, matching his pose. “Yeah and you’d be wrong. You once tried to convince me that the ancient city of Xerxes was destroyed by an alien in a little bottle.”

“You can’t prove that it didn’t happen.”

“Yeah and you can’t prove that it did.” She turns away from him. “We’re getting off topic.”

* * *

 

_"That being said, there are some flaws in this theory. A murder as large as the one at Devil’s Nest would take a massive amount of work and would most likely need the help of two or more groups. However, at this time gangs in Dublith were notoriously bad at getting along even against police, making it unlikely that they would have worked together against Greed and his people. Also, a gang killing would not explain the military uniforms seen mixed in with the large group spotted just before the murders."_

**maybe they dressed up**

**why on earth would they do that**

**so they wouldnt get stopped?**

**they didnt want to get stopped but only half of them wore the disguise?**

****i dont know** **

**im just spitballing here**

**the lack of military uniforms just seems like a weird reason**

**to throw away an entire theory like that**

**well its not like that was my only reason**

**im just saying that played a part in why it wouldnt be that**

**you know what, ill give you that one**

**if it had been your only reason i would give you a much harder time but its not so i wont**

**thank you**

_"The third theory is that this murder was a planned attack by the military. In the days leading up to the murder there had been talks of the military having a greater presence in Dublith. A presence that would later vanish with the deaths of the Devil’s Nest crew. But why would the military focus on a relatively small crew such as Greed’s? People have speculated, due to their large network of people, that the Devil’s Nest had heavy influence in and knowledge about Central, or more specifically, Central command. This information would be a huge security risk to the military and would open them up to further questions about corruption during a time where faith and support of the military was starting to waver. It’s possible that Greed and his crew knew information that the government needed kept a secret, hence the murder."_

**hmmm**

**interesting**

**you know i thought that was a pretty compelling reason**

**and it helps that this military hasnt exactly been the chillest**

_"The Amestrian military has a long history of violence. This violence is especially directed towards those who disrespected or failed to submit to them, the most extreme example being the Ishvalan genocide that finished just five years before the deaths. This has led people to wonder whether or not Greed’s gang have sensitive information about the war or other instances of violence committed by the military."_

Ling closes the folder sitting in front of him before shifting slightly in Lan Fan’s direction. “At this point I do want to tell you that there is an alternate theory as to why the military killed Greed. Now don’t get mad but some people, and I’m not saying I’m one of them, but some people believe that Greed was an artificially made being called a homunculus-” At this Lan Fan lets out a long drawn out groan. “-and the rest of his gang were “imperfect” chimeras made by the government.”

“Holy shit.”

Ling holds up his hands in surrender. “I said I wasn’t one of those people.”

Lan Fan buries her face in her hands and shakes her head back and forth. “I just- why? Why would you think that ever? What makes that theory plausible to some people?”

“I don’t know but let me finish. Alright, these people say that Greed escaped and later took these chimeras as his ‘minions’. They lived relatively underground until they were somehow brought to the military’s attention and which brought about the events of in November. And again that’s just a theory some people have, I don’t necessarily believe it myself. I mean it’s cool but overall, not very likely.”

Lan Fan lifts her head up and looks straight into the camera, raising her finger to point directly at Ling. “Do you people understand how crazy a theory has to be for him not to believe it? Some of the conclusions this guy has drawn up have been insane and he doesn’t even give this one a part in the voice over.” She leans back into her chair, a look of shock still on her face. “This is crazy.”

“You done?”

“Yeah continue.”

“Alright.” Ling opens his folder back up and finds his place again. “Back to our totally normal explanation of a military cover up..”

_"Evidence from the day of the murder seems to support this theory. A military killing would explain the large group heading towards the bar, dressed in both military and civilian clothing as well as explaining why such a large group went relatively unnoticed by the population of Dublith. It would also explain the various types of weapons used by the killers as soldiers would carry guns and swords on them. The military would also have the ability to gain insight into the inner workings of the Devil’s Nest. This would explain how many of the bodies were found in the hidden tunnels under the bar and why none of the victims could use these to their advantage and escape. They are also the only ones to have the ability to track and later kill Bido as any of the Dublith gangs would have very little reach._

_"There’s no way to know for certain what happened that day in the Devil’s Nest. Whether this horrific crime was due to a local vendetta, a military coverup, or a simple accident will most likely be a victim of time and will forever leave this case unsolved._

* * *

 

“So what do you think happened?”

Lan Fan turns her chair to completely face Ling before sighing and leaning her elbow on the desk. “I think before you added that theory about chimeras and whatnot, that the military coverup was the most likely.”

“You know what?” Ling turns to her, a smirk sliding across his face. “The more I hear it, the more I like that theory. I think the homunculus one is what happened.”

Lan Fan groans, disbelief crossing her face. “Please tell me you’re joking.”

“Nope.” He stands and walks behind her, grabbing her shoulders to pull her into a weird almost hug. “I think it makes the most sense and it annoys you so it wins in my book. I’m gonna go celebrate my victory.” Then, almost without thinking, he presses a small kiss to her temple before walking out of view.

Lan Fan sits completely still looking to where Ling left. She slowly turns to face the camera one last time before shaking her head and following Ling off set.

**Author's Note:**

> For Lingfan Week 2018- Day Three: Alternate Universe btw


End file.
